Christian Peterson
Reporter@riverbendnews.org
I have been a father for going on seven months now, and I have learned a lot in a short amount of time. I have learned things about myself, my wife, my baby and even my own father. I have learned about giving up things you want. I have learned about how tiring it can be. I have learned a tremendous amount, and that is only seven months into what will be 18 plus years of child rearing. Therefore, as I approach my first Father's Day, I'd like to share some things I have learned and how my life has changed as a first time father.
Me:
My life has changed drastically since I have become a father. The number one take-away I have gotten from fatherhood is: sacrifice is worth it. I have had countless sleepless nights already. The very first night after my baby was born, I couldn't sleep at all. I sat in the hospital room next to my exhausted, sleeping wife and held my son, Matthias, all night long. Even though he didn't wake up, I enjoyed every second. I was too scared to put him down for fear he would stop breathing, or would be hit with sudden infant death syndrome. All these things ran through my head constantly. So, I just talked to him; I told him about his extended family, and all the ways we had prepared and looked forward to his arrival. I sang him one of my favorite songs, “Misty Mountains,” from “The Hobbit.” Even though I was exhausted, when he smiled in his sleep, my exhaustion washed away. It was so small, so innocent, and just perfect. It was the first time I had ever seen my son smile, and it made everything worth it in one second.
Now, the sleepless nights are less, but still there. But every time he smiles, giggles or squeals in glee, any annoyance or frustration is washed away. Any extra hours at work for more money so he can have diapers or so we can provide a better life for him feels worth it when I look at the photo of him on my desk. I can hardly imagine how much more this will feel worth it as he grows.
The second largest takeaway I have gotten from being a father is to enjoy the moment. When Matthias first arrived, I wanted to take so many photos and videos, and I did; I wanted to capture every moment from his first smile, to his first laugh, and his first gurgle. I wanted all of it digitized so I could never forget it. But, my opinion has changed. I no longer care about sharing his accomplishments with the rest of the world every second; I just want to enjoy them with him. I want to be in the moment with him so he knows he has a dad who is there to support him and focus on him when he needs it. I will never forget his first smile, even though I didn't catch it on camera. How could I? Ultimately, fatherhood has made me want to be a better man, both as a husband and father. I am fighting now to show my son what a happy, healthy marriage looks like, what a protector looks like, what someone who truly loves you looks like. I want him to know he is loved, supported and, even if he falls over, his Papa is there to pick him right back up, dust him off, and push him to keep trying.
My wife:
Being a father changed not just me, but my wife, and even my opinion of my wife. When one gets married, they love that person. They choose to commit to that person for better or worse. It's an important vow that should not be taken lightly. Even so, in that moment and throughout the beginning of marriage, I would think there is no way I could love this woman any more than I already do. Then, she gave me Matthias and, suddenly, I had more room to love than ever before. I saw my wife as even more beautiful, and even more amazing. She had grown a life inside of her, an incredible feat on its own, and then she continues to take care of him. I learned the difference between my relationship with Matthias and hers. I may be the fun one, I can always make him laugh even when she can't, however, when he's upset, angry, sad or distressed, the only person he wants is his mom. It's amazing to watch how quickly he is soothed by just her mere presence. Finally, it has made me understand the value of a mother and father. When his mother is nervous, he is nervous. It makes my role all the clearer to keep things calm and to remind her that everything is okay. When she is happy and calm, she can keep the baby calm, which is a skill I do not have at this point, at least not all the time.
My son:
My son has taught me so many things. One of the most interesting is the value of gentleness. I have never been a gentle person. I come from a large, loud family; quiet is not my forte. Yet, holding a newborn to 7- month-old requires care and gentleness. For the early days of Matthias being in my home, I was scared every time I picked him up and every time someone else picked him up. What if his head rolled to the side too hard or what if someone wasn't looking and accidentally hit him? Suddenly, I found myself focused on the simplest of actions, both in myself and others. As time has passed, sure I am a little rougher now, we play games like Superman and, every once in a while, he loves to be thrown a few inches up in the air and caught, but never has it gotten anywhere near how I used to be with my siblings. The other major thing that Matthias has taught me about myself is how much love you can have for one person. I live by the motto: “Love is a choice.” While I still believe that, there is one exception to that rule, and that is my son. Every second I feel a tremendous amount of adoration for him while watching him learn the simplest things, such as what hands are and what different foods taste like. Each moment is so enjoyable, and every moment I feel so much love for him. Even when he is crying at 2 a.m. for no good reason, or screaming because he wants to be picked up but everyone's hands are full, I can't help but smile and laugh.
My father:
Becoming a father has changed my relationship with my own father, andhasmademeseehiminanew light. Suddenly, I can see sacrifices I didn't notice before and, they make sense too me. As a child or teenager, one is not very focused on the future; not the distant, at least. I was always annoyed by my dad constantly talking about my future. It frustrated me, as it seemed far away and irrelevant. Now that I have a child of my own, its' different. All I find myself thinking about is his future. What kind of person will he be like? What will he do? How can I help him be successful? All this goes through my head, and it makes me acknowledge that the love my father has for me is deeper than I ever realized. My father has done his best to raise me and my siblings as Christians and productive members of society and, as I look back on my childhood, I can see the growth in my father with the birth of each sibling. As a child, I was focused on rejecting everything that my father told me, but now, I want to imitate him, by raising my child in a similar manner as he raised me. Finally, being a dad has introduced me too a side of my dad I haven't seen in a long time. As the oldest of five kids, I remember when many of my siblings were babies, even toddlers. I faintly remember the gentleness that my father showed to those small, innocent children. Of course, now me and my siblings are all close to grown up; two of us have graduated from high school, and another will graduate next year. Meaning, the gentleness has morphed and its not as tender as it once was. But watching my dad interact with his grandson reminded me about how tender of a person he can be, and how fun he is towards babies. Ultimately, as a new father, my father and I have something we can bond over. It has reminded me of how appreciative I should be of my own father, and how grateful I should be for the example he has set in my life.
Being a father is hard; that, I have definitely learned. However, it is also rewarding, and makes me happy every day. I have loved every second of it, and would never trade it for anything. I praise God every day for my wonderful son and for the wonderful father that I have. So, from a first-time father to his own father, and to all the other father's out there, happy Father's Day!