Ramsey Sullivan
Riverbend News
In the United States alone, there are nearly 437,000 children in foster care. Roughly 30,000 of these foster youth age out of the system each year, without having found a forever home, leaving them to fend for themselves. Within four years of aging out, 50 percent have no earnings, 70 percent will be on government assistance, 25 percent will not have completed high school and less than 12 percent will have earned their college degree.
Though these statistics can be disheartening, there are fostering success stories all around us, like that of Shane and Erica Mathews, of Live Oak. Shane Mathews commutes to Madison each day for his position at Greene Publishing, Inc. as the graphic design and layout specialist. Mathews' wife, Erica, always knew she had a heart for fostering children and wanted to be a mother. When the two married and began having infertility issues, Erica's mind went straight to fostering.
After having two children of their own, 10-year-old twins, Isabella and Carson, the couple decided to enter into the "front lines" of foster care. They have had a total of four foster children and currently have one living in their home.
"We started with fostering, knowing reunification is the goal - returning the children home to their biological parents," said Shane. "We soon realized that is not always the case and there is no cookie-cutter situation. We just love the kids in the season they're in, no matter the outcome."
After being licensed on a Friday nearly two years ago, the couple got a call the following Sunday asking if they would like to take in two children, a 10-month-old boy and his sister, who was four years old.
"Shane always said he wanted to start with only one, not two," Erica laughed. "When they called me, I asked Shane and he was reluctant, but I told them we would take them."
That same day, the kids were brought to the Mathews, and they have been with them ever since. The Mathews currently have a total of five children living in their home.
When one of their foster children left their home, the Mathews experienced something they hadn't experienced with fostering before: loss.
"It wasn't hard until it happened. It was tough on all of us because we didn't know what to expect. I think if it doesn't hurt, then you're not doing something right. What makes it easier is hoping that you've made a difference in their lives in the short time they're with you. We have other children to think about so we just have to keep moving forward," said Erica.
As for the first two placements - Hadley Klaire Mathews and Bentley Axel Mathews - now ages two and five, they were officially adopted on Tuesday, June 28, and are now "officially" part of the Mathews family. According to Shane and Erica, it has always felt like they were part of the family.
"They [the Mathews' two biological children] just took them in with open arms. We all feel like they've always been here, like they were supposed to be a part of us," said Erica.
Only ten-months old when he came to the Mathews, Bentley does not remember his biological family at all. Hadley, however, does remember, and the Mathews always talk positively about their parents.
"I tell her that she came from her mom's tummy but she came from my heart," said Erica. "And that her mama loved her so much, and she knew she couldn't take care of her, so she wanted us to take care of her."
Although their story is a happy one, there are challenges that all foster parents face with each child they take in. With those challenges, though, there are even more rewards. "The biggest challenge to me is that all the kids are so different and we have to learn that you can't parent kids who have been through trauma the way we would our own children. You have to build connections and earn trust. We just love them through the hard times. It's not easy but it's always worth it," said Erica.
Despite these challenges, the rewards are plentiful when fostering or adopting children. "One of the biggest rewards is just the unexpected love you get from the kids," said Shane.
"The kids are the main reward. I feel like all of our kids have changed our lives more than we have changed theirs. They have taught me so much about life and parenting," followed Erica.
Although the Mathews family is reassessing what is next for their family, they always see foster care as part of their lives, whether it be on the "front lines" or just helping other foster families any way they can. "Once you see what a huge need there is, you can't unsee it. I feel like it will always be part of my life in some way, shape or form," said Erica.